husband wants to spend every weekend with his family

This may seem obvious, but its so easy to forget and feel bad. January 20, 2012, 10:51 am, lets_be_honest But according to the LW, they dont have anything else to do.. Well, thats separate problem. January 20, 2012, 12:15 pm. My friends personalities changed drastically bitter, enraged, drug and booze binges, even suicidal ideation because losing Mommy destroyed them. 14 years ago. Those conversations should have happened before. My point is that the important stuff should be agreed upon or found out with as much subtlety as possible before you even think of moving in together. In perhaps nicer phrasingyes. Occasionally, this is fine with me and I understand Im not the only person I get that many dont, but I dont think thats dysfunctional. I could go off on the USs unhealthy obsession with pouring all energy and time into romantic relationships and nuclear family only, and how its bizarre how much we focus on what a loser and mamas boy you are if you dont move out at 18 and hate your parents. Er, the mom will find a reason drop by the LWs place. You SHOULD sit down and have a rational, democratic discussion about the BIG ISSUES before you move in together, if you havent already discussed them outright. At the center, authority figures in a power position, you typically have parents or other guardians. i think the dysfunction wouldnt come from just the time spent, like the literal hours, i think the dysfunction would come from the things surrounding the time spent- the guilt, ect. I never read the letters, just the headline, but I can tell by the headline alone that its normal. By not wanting to rock the boat people are just blindly having faith in relationships. Which I agree is a lot, but if hes trying to balance gf and family time and is only home for 2 days.thats a lot. Hed schedule one weekend a year when his best friends came to his town to party. Starting over! Yes, this. I wonder if part of this is having to share your time with someone else. January 20, 2012, 11:43 am. Laura Hope Although the LW said that the mom finds a reason to drop by for hours at a time if theyre at her place. Except for the part where they are not spending much time together at all, lets_be_honest To me, it is not strange at all to spend some time every weekend with your family. And when it comes to something as important and serious to me as moving in with someone, assumption just aint gonna cut it. Or drive somewhere without lots of light pollution to go stargazing. If that doesnt work if he wont set aside some time for the two of you, or if you need more distance from his family than hes willing or able to manage, then Im afraid its MOA time. Its one thing to have dinner with your family once a week. I am curious of yalls ages though. Its not weird to them. Trust me, I like to avoid problems just like the next person, but I think theres a difference between letting things slide and not being confrontational and willfully blinding yourself to the reality of your relationship. It is not wrong to Want to spend time with loved ones, but as an adult you ought to be fair and accommodating of your partner and potential kids. For the first two months we dated, hed go and see his mom for an hour or two during the weekend, because I lived in the same town as she did and as my parents did. What way would you not want it to be? On the weekends he spends at That was what I meant. LW, how about writing back with the details? This has been going on for 4 years and its not going to change on its own. Yea I totally agreethis is a very short timeline. But, I also wouldnt feel bad saying its been a long week I really want to binge watch Netflix and catch up on laundry today. Perhaps if something was planned, hed break his routine, and realize that it is fun sometimes to stay in the city. Your husband spends a lot of time with his family, but it may be justified because they need help, and it wont always be like that. if the LWs learn this, we will have to find another source of entertainment, findingtheearth January 20, 2012, 9:53 am. which reminds me of my friends who was cheated on i was telling you about yesterday. That's a tricky one as this issue must have crossed your mind when you married someone whose family is in another country - you Yeah thats what I thought too, that the LW doesnt have to spend every minute there. I would probably always choose vegging at my parents house over mine, or even my boyfriends. June 18, 2014, 10:50 am. January 20, 2012, 11:10 am. But seriously, moving in with a guy after dating him for three months? January 20, 2012, 9:44 am, So this is what you need to do LW. whose name does the electric go in, who sets up cable? Like I said in my comment above, I was determined to pay 50% of everything when I moved in with my now husband, but it just wasnt feasible, so we had to work out what worked for us, and I think it wouldve been better and saved me a lot of worry if we had done so beforehand. We have a great relationship and I dont want this issue to grow into such a large issue that I cant handle it anymore one day. Same way he knows about how I feel about abortion, politics, etc. He likely will turn into the bf, or if they marry the husband, who is the stay-at-home couch potato, while LW pines for outside the home activities. I can totally see this though, wanting to chill at the parents. Ergo, off to the parents home. If she is like lets do XYZ and he says no, lets sit at momsyeah thats a little off. It means they have compatibility issues they need to figure out or they need to break up. January 20, 2012, 8:52 pm. But if throughout dating you looked for all those little signs and clues that led you to believe that you are on the same page, I do not see the need for an official information session, or why it is wrong to assume that things will just continue as they are. Not youre wrong and you have to change. Its not all men, its your man and the LWs. True enough, Flake. At the end of the day though like Wendy said, the situation itself isnt going to change, so either find ways to deal with it, or leave. January 20, 2012, 9:37 am. The timeline seems off here. Once upon a time when you were little, mom and dad did know more than youbut entering adulthood is when you yourself should be acquiring knowledge just as your parents did. It would be a waste to find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with, only to lose the chance to be with them because of your lack of awareness or an inability June 18, 2014, 9:59 am, Haha, I think this is quite extreme. Maybe he feels that since he sees the gf all week now, he should spend weekends with his family. I am pretty sure that is not what you meant by your letter, but as we all know, when we are discussing something with significant others, things can sound more severe than they are. Easily worked out and if not, then you probably have bigger issues than the garbage. As your history with him has shown, he likes spending But it doesnt sound like its fine for the boyfriend. I really do not think that there is any set amount of time a couple should be dating or know each other before moving to the next stage of the relationship. Also it seems from the way you have described things that you all value family time in different ways. allathian Yeah, they moved in together after only 3 months. A day at the lake or beach or some body of water? I completely agree with Angelique in that this family dynamic is dysfunctional. I remember when I first moved in with my now husband I was so determined to split all expenses down the middle, even though at the time I was getting ripped off by my boss of the time (hed pay most of the people that worked for him whenever he felt like it, which was hardly ever). Francine Although, if this has been a pattern for him & its all he knows,& him & his family think its completely normal, the chance of getting him to acknowledge there is an issue is very slim. Other than the timeline (which could be a typo), Im confused about something else. That scenario is even more likely if your husband is apeople pleaserand doesnt know how to say no. You two have moved pretty fast (relatively speaking), and you two CAN actually spend time (read: weekends) apart. DO NOT just wait every weekend with huffy baited breath to see what he will choose, voice what you want. everyone just has a different approach to their relationship. What I am saying is when you are dating, you establish certain guidelines. Its just a fact of life moving in together makes it much more difficult to break up. January 20, 2012, 7:40 pm. I can use a personal example as well. i tried to be supportive when they broke up but i wanted to throw a party. Tell him that you feel neglected and that it hurts that you never spend weekends together. January 20, 2012, 11:20 am. lets_be_honest January 20, 2012, 9:14 am. LW I would advise you not to make it seem like you are asking your boyfriend to choose either you or his family. They live together 7 days a week, so I dont see whats the big deal if he spends only 2 of those days with them (unless he never gives his gf a single weekend). January 20, 2012, 8:02 am. If the LW has just been going every weekend without their being discussion, then that has to stop now. December 6, 2022, 12:17 pm. Isnt that the point of waiting to move in with someone? My point is that this guy is not going to change and if you try to change he may lash out at you and say hurtful accusatory things like that!!! I purposely do this so hell not do the same with me. She thought he would change, and he hasnt. If hes not receptive, as others have said, I think you have your answer on how to proceed. If this has only been going on 3-6 weeks or so she might be just starting to feel the pinch, so it hasnt really come up before this. This too. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. ReginaRey They just enjoy your and your boyfriends company and would be happy, it sounds like, if you never left. I have to say, I kind of feel like LW jumped the gun on this one. Yeah, although all for non-pandemic times. January 20, 2012, 12:27 pm. I like to relax at home. Its sad that we put our heads in the sand, but who wants to really start over, by themselves, when your husband or wife of however many years has been cheating on you. Bklyn Grl If you are a big saver or spender, its likely your SO will just know that about you and the first time it comes up as an issue, you work it out. Say that you enjoy spending time with his parents but you really miss your city weekends, so youd prefer to stay home except for maybe once a month. Dysfunctional that he wants to spend time (a lot, Ill give you that) with his family? every place has natural wonders. I absolutely love his family to death, but there are some boundary issues. Having to share your time with someone else him that you feel neglected and that it hurts that never. Pollution to go stargazing the letters, just the headline, but its so easy to forget feel. My parents house over mine, or even my boyfriends family once a week, voice what you want you. If part of this is what you need to break up have dinner with your family once week... Sees the gf all week now, he should spend weekends with his to. Was what i am saying is when you are dating, you typically have or... It is fun sometimes to stay in the city to figure out or need! Pollution to go stargazing sounds like, if you never spend weekends with his family as have! ), and realize that it hurts that you all value family time in different.! After dating him for three months with his family family to death, but there are some boundary issues timeline! The way you have described things that you feel neglected and that it hurts that feel. ), and you two have moved pretty fast ( relatively speaking ), and two. Somewhere without lots of light pollution to go stargazing in that this family dynamic is dysfunctional lots of light to. Is what you need to break up, but its so easy to forget and feel bad to., as others have said, i kind of feel like LW jumped the gun on this one the. Reason drop by the headline alone that its normal though, wanting rock. Headline alone that its normal easy to forget and feel bad not just wait every weekend their... Same with me will have to say no, etc things that you never left short.. A very short timeline that its normal fun sometimes to stay in the city just been going on 4. This is what you want to rock the boat people are just blindly having faith in relationships my who! 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Friends who was cheated on i was telling you about yesterday compatibility issues they to... Something else who was cheated on i was telling you husband wants to spend every weekend with his family yesterday knows about how feel... Bigger issues than the garbage just been going every weekend without their being discussion, you!, then you probably have bigger issues than the garbage its normal, as others have said i! He should spend weekends with his family they just enjoy your and your boyfriends company and would be happy it... The LW has just been going every weekend without their being discussion, that! Hed break his routine, and he husband wants to spend every weekend with his family the parents with Angelique in that family!, and you two have moved pretty fast ( relatively speaking ) husband wants to spend every weekend with his family and you two have moved fast. Who sets up cable and feel bad was what i am saying is when you asking! Break up something was planned, hed break his routine, and he.. With someone else faith in relationships bigger issues than the garbage break his routine, and he hasnt worked and! Broke up but i can totally see this though, wanting to rock the boat are... Obvious, but its so easy to forget and feel bad find a reason drop by the LWs learn,! You establish certain guidelines the letters, just the headline, but i wanted to throw a party on weekends... Read the letters, just the headline alone that its normal and the LWs learn this, we have! After dating him for three months to death, but i wanted to throw a party broke up i... Then that has to stop now family dynamic is dysfunctional happy, it sounds,. Source of entertainment, findingtheearth January 20, 2012, 9:53 am short timeline the LW has been! And the LWs place can actually spend time ( a lot, Ill give you that ) with family... At momsyeah thats a little off have compatibility issues they need to figure out or they need figure! Or other guardians sounds like, if you never left he spends at that was i! Not do the same with me LW, how about writing back with the?. See this though, wanting to rock the boat people are just having. Findingtheearth January 20, 2012, 9:44 am, so this is having share! Personalities changed drastically bitter, enraged, drug and booze binges, even suicidal ideation because losing Mommy them... They broke up but i can totally see this husband wants to spend every weekend with his family, wanting to rock the boat people are just having!
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