138. features 345 jokes, many contributed by readers of Seignoverts blog, Europeisnotdead. 25. He Brexit. They were real rebels, but ultra-polite and correct and very precise about how they pasted their stickers, he says. The same religion. 'Wouldiwas Shookspeared.'. Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. A 'Lu-Tennant. 49. General George S. Patton, "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." I cant believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face. The same goes . 5. When I mentioned the risks or asked if people were worried, they said: Its OK, theres time. And there were no demonstrations. Without stopping his performance he stands on the box and says, "Can u see me". Because theyre cheap), And pretty much all their neighbours finds the Belgians a tiny bit slow: Why do Belgians have pommes frites, while the Arab world has oil? He defeated Conservative French President Sarkozy in a presidential run-off yesterday. 142. The Romanians on the (mean-spirited) Hungarians: Ive had all the tests, and the doctor tells me theres no question, Im xenophobic. It is not in good nature to look down on someone when joking. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more. Before heading out on his next mission Pierre goes on a date. They go back to his hotel and start making out. One of them says, "I had a business but it burned to the ground. What did the little champagne bottle call his father? They could only play the hand that they were 'celt'. Bartender says: we have every beer from around the world. So the other one could drive! Nobody at the ticket counter knows what "North career" means. 135. Assistir Sheffield Utd X Tottenham - Ao Vivo Grtis HD sem travar, sem anncios. Ils ne savouent jamais vaincus. What can I get you fellas? If they were going to make a British food version of 'Game Of Thrones', they'd name it 'Game Of Scones'. A pair of English twins loved to play with water while traveling. An lady says to her friend on the park bench, "I think it's Thursday." I won't let him become a 'tea-toddler'. Original in French: Les Anglais ont invent le foot, les Franais lont organis, les Italiens le mettent en scne. Imagination. Yes, its finally payback time for years of our European neighbours having to take our witty jibes: Basil Fawltys interactions with his Spanish waiter Manuel; Al Murrays Pub Landlord and his digs at the Germans, and Jeremy Clarksons well, just Jeremy Clarkson We have dished it out for years, either tongue in cheek or tongue pointing out cheekily over the channel; but now, whatever our political views Remain, Leave or "please just let me sit in a dark room and make it all go away", we cant escape the fact that the rest of the Continent is having a laugh at our expense. What did the tourist decide after visiting France for the third time? He thought that maybe if he learned some French it would help. Robert Surcouf. "This is un, this is deux, this is trois, this is quatre, this is six". What we suggest is selected independently by the Kidadl team. As an Amazon Associate, Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases. 41. 15. Germanys Henning Wehn on Britains passion for swearing: With stand-up in Britain what you have to do is bloody swearing. Apart from our jokes, obviously Here are some of Europes finest comic minds giving their take on us, from our eccentricities and our bathroom habits, to sporting passions and our current Brexit dilemmas. We are a big, diverse community with a centuries-long common history of highs and lows, and our humour reflects that, he says. If you don't finish your taxi ride with "anywhere here is fine", are you even British? "Cinq," he answered. There's also French jibes about Belgians living on a diet of beer and chips (frites) and like the pretzel joke, the old notion that in the eyes of the French the Belgians are, well, a little simple. 65. 124. But Seignovert, remember, is French, so what he says should clearly not be taken too seriously. If you are planning on traveling to the UK for a trip or educational purposes, these British jokes can help you make new friends. ", 70. 'armless. A bientt! 48. Outside work, her interests include music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, and reading. It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times. Travel humor and funny jokes related to various countries and traditions can not only bring one closer to that culture but also incite laughter and joy. Why do people from all around the globe love eating French food? What does the Lochness monster call his favorite dish? The Macedonians giggle at the (lack of) machismo of Greek men: If you knew how to cook and clean, says a Greek husband to his wife, I wouldnt need a maid. If you knew how to make love, replies the wife, I wouldnt need a Macedonian lover., The only exception are the Italians, who rather endearingly make jokes mainly about themselves: Your wife cracked such a good joke the other day, I almost fell out of bed. Notice on an Italian bus: dont talk to the driver, he needs his hands., Otherwise, though, the Belgians love nothing better than teasing the penny-pinching Dutch: (How do all Dutch recipes begin? Thats another bloody illness the Hungarians have given me.. He wanted to try killing two Brits with a 'scone'. He is always looking for 'Morty'! Wine not? You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. 'Propaganda'. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. creative tips and more. But as our preparations for leaving the EU unravel faster than a pound-shop sweater, were faced with the sobering realisation that we may now be the butt of the joke. 18. The past tense of William Shakespeare. Why did the French choose the cockerel as their national symbol? Humour, like Marmite, tea and overpriced rail travel, is one of the cornerstones of Britishness. First, they go for a drink, and Castro praises the beer. What is the favorite song that French people love listening to? Why do you eat this thing? This is Deux. What do you call 2000 British Pounds? On the other hand, 45% of English words come from French, so perhaps he was only 1/2 right? are in The Louvre, looking at a painting of Adam and Eve. This does not influence our choices. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!". In Ireland, the characters are sometimes called "Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman . Even if we know history isnt quite that simple, it has become the cement holding our nation together.. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. What's a British student's favorite drink? What did the French friend say when she had to leave after finishing dessert? Their favorite kind is 'immortali-tea'. ", On his first day, he had his sergeant show him around. 21. The EU hasnt made enough of that., That may be true. Why do people say "break a leg" when you go on stage? David Letterman, Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon?A: "The Axis of Weasels.". A. With Free Shipping within the U.S. and E.U. 27. 42. The Belgians on the (parsimonious) Dutch: Dutch husband to Dutch wife: Put your coat on, dear. Why, darling, are we going out? No, I am. Immediately they start to explore the island and encounter a native tribe. My sister just came back from her summer semester in England. Rajnandini is an art lover and enthusiastically likes to spread her knowledge. 31. By throwing a Bonapart-y. 15. De Qui Se Moque-t-On (Who do we make fun of?) Why doesn't any royal family member go to Starbucks? Because it is beautiful in every Cezanne. He didn't want to leave a single 'scone' unturned. What do you do after reaching Greenwich? Marmite? My friend, an ice cream seller, is obsessed with British rock bands. One of them is run over and the other one says "Oh pure !") Who doesn't love a good potato joke? ', 91. What do people in France meet someone they haven't met in a long long time? Look, says Ahti, did we come here to drink, or to talk?. French Quebecois journalist Robert de Roquebrune had this to say about the British, having been born in the land that the English and French fought over for so long. Of Corsican! 26. The kidnappers grab the French spy, drag him into the next room, and bind his hands behind a chair. After running her errands, she returned to the library and picked him up. 140. 186. Dennis Miller, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Dr. Whoot. It's a 'tankless' job. The chief says to them, "you must die for intruding our land. There's a great fish and chips shop in London near King Crustacean. French guy: This is Un. You could have bought the same one just down the street for $5,000., A Greek motorist parks his car outside the parliament in Athens. A British man started a locksmith service in July 2020. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. How did the French leader Napoleon have fun? "Toto" jokes are very popular in France among elementary school children, and . So how are you? asks Pekka. During this journey, he visits Basildon (having been told it is the heart of Middle England), discovers the mysteries of the British pub, jellied eels, afternoon tea, imperial measures and Marmite. Click here for more information. Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. Three reasons Jesus is an Italian: only an Italian son would live with his mama till he was 30. What did the French lover say to his wife who was late for work? What did the French husband say when his wife said she will not go and dine with him? Pound Town. Original in French: Quand on voyage sans connatre langlais, on a limpression dtre sourd-muet et idiot de naissance. Philippe Bouvard. I think it has a nice ring. I thought all British accents were Great British accents. I love France. By shooting 15cm above his head, right in the middle of his superiority complex.. What is the longest word in the English language? Because its the only animal that sings when its knee-deep in shit. One week she was busy, so she dropped him off, and said he could pick some books while she shopped. 22. 154. British Neighbors One of my friends has British neighbors, and they told him that they are royalty. The British wanted to find out why the head of a mans penis was larger then the shaft. Jimmy Fallon, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." Traditionally, the French have always made their Belgian neighbours the butt of their jokes - but the British (or "rosbifs", as they're called in France) and the Americans ("yankees") are. Oh, you again. I want to know what it is now! Because they have Nantes-thing to crib about. This list will have the cracking like mad. We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. 99. What's the difference between a triangle and Manchester United? What did the tourist say when his mother asked if he could visit France again? We saw some lovely and cheap lemons there and I wanted. Because there is a mile between its first and last letters. My favorite rapper is 50 cent or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds. It's funny that the British Empire conquered the spice traders of the worldconsidering they never used any of it in their food. English food may be getting better these days, with all those multi-cultural influences, but to the French, it will always be affreux (meaning dreadful). French jokes are a great way to practice your French: not only do they provide a lot of useful vocabulary but they feature the modern spoken French language pronunciation and sentence structure. The bartender looked up as they walked in and said "Wow, where'd you get that bitch? I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Today, I feel 10% English.. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are planning a party. 173. 117. How does one usually feel after visiting France? They wouldnt say, No, sorry, I dont want to be interviewed by you, theyd make excuses. See examples . Fin-tastic. William the Conqueror is important to the British but little known in France, says Benjamin Carle. I liked the absence of harassment of women in the streets; France has a lot to learn here. A British man, a French man, a Spanish man, and a German man are walking through the streets when they see a performer. What is the main distinction between ohms and watts? I won't pretend that the French and British are bosom buddies, but they no longer see . He was 'ticked off'. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. What did the French woman say to the receptionist at the airport? When is it Christmas in Poland? Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? Are you looking for the funniest artistic joke in French to impress your French friends? Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? 18. As Shakespeare once said, They have the same climate. What does the English owl call his favorite TV show? I have so much to Marseilles about France. Why were the British salty about losing America? 129. English writer Douglas Jerrold notes that it could be much worse: the two countries could be right next to each other. What did the mother say to his son when he verbally abused her? He wanted to see the London eye. 60. What happens when a British guy makes a promise? 14. He works round the clock. Why don't Americans spell "color" like "colour?" Right near the National French Library and lots of shopping around. After their first greeting, the British fish said to the American fish, "I can't believe this is the first time we're going to see each other from across the pond.". He couldn't 'Oxford' to see her. British humor is well-known to be open, dry, and sarcastic. 137. Why was the tourist getting his eyesight fixed before going to Britain? Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon. Many British people tend to make 'pour' decisions after going to the pub. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. They concluded that it was to give the male more pleasure during sex. At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. An English cat named OneTwoThree and a French cat named UnDeuxTrois decided to swim across the lake, but only one cat survived the journey. 47. A pomme de terrier. This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, 40 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow. 151. 68. It keeps me grounded. By looking over your shoulder. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. What did Shakespeare call his shower? Chacun se bat pour ce qui lui manque! 76. What you probably don't know is that it is also used to call someone "lazy" or "dummy.". Ahti grunts and orders a beer. If you liked our suggestions for French Jokes then why not take a look at something different like sheep puns or river puns. 3. A look at mildly mundane, highly niche, non-threatening regional reporting. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. Original in French: Je parie que ce qui a motiv les Anglais coloniser la moiti du monde, cest quils cherchaient juste un repas dcent! Why does everyone love visiting France? I would like to be on that ferry!. At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. Being ranked as the fourth country that had the most positive impact on the world, it has had a significant amount of political, economic, and military influence over the years. 72. The d-eclair-ation of man's every right. Another British tea reference quote, compared to the French love of tiny coffees. A 29-year-old Frenchman who studied in Spain and Germany and now lives in Brussels, Seignovert said the jokes underlined the adage that teasing is a sign of affection. Because there's a big clock right in the middle of the town! "Thank you so much for pudding up with my mess!" 'A Tale of Two Cities' was originally serialized in two local papers in the British Midlands. A ton of money. Europe isnt just political and economic, its also cultural about all these nations, living together. Translated quote in French: LAngleterre a bti Londres pour son propre usage, la France a bti Paris pour le monde entier. American Ralph Waldo Emerson, philosopher. Which cat made it? Humorous Quotations and Jokes about France, Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, 35 Best Late-Night Jokes About Hillary Clinton, Funniest Memes Reacting to Hillary's Email Saga, Jokes about Iran and U.S. Plans for War with Iran. This list will help you get plenty of jokes in French. How does a French person greet someone in Americs? 110. I love this French Tour. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" Gamble in British currency. They can just use the Power of French Ship. A portion of these amusing English endlessly kids about Londoners will take your breath away! Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama? What was the man feeling after getting swindled under Big Ben? Why did the evil man try to poison the baker and his assistant? They don't have an option for 'royal-tea'. 7. He needs a licence to kill. In it, the self-confessed Anglophile travelled to the UK, armed only with a love of the Beatles, David Bowie and Liverpool FC, to find out how much affinity he truly has with Frances cross-Channel neighbours. After the crazy experience, one of them mentioned, "That was a wild 'Hyde'.". Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon. They keep "falling down". Why is everybody in London always nearly late? We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. How do cows stay up to date? We strive to recommend the very best things that are suggested by our community and are things we would do ourselves - our aim is to be the trusted friend to parents. By Mostafa Abedinifard. If you are looking for some life-changing funny joke in French, this list will blow you away. 9. English lady: Waiter! We strive to recommend the very best things that are suggested by our community and are things we would do ourselves - our aim is to be the trusted friend to parents. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." P.J O'Rourke (1989) Fortunately, she is 'Rowling' in money. What did the wife say to her husband when they bought a new house in France? Because it is st-Eifel-ing. This is of course, wildly untrue, but seems to have arisen mainly from differences in dialect. 40. Original in French: Les Franais ont du vin, les Anglais de lhumour. Roland Topor. What did the husband say to his French wife when they were going on a trip? Original in French: Langlais, ce nest jamais que du franais mal prononc. George Clemenceau. How did you Charlemange-age to pack so many things? It is impossible to Rouen the trip. 36. Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. They don't like to go near 'Wales'. Our recommended activities are based on age but these are a guide. Rajnandini is an art lover and enthusiastically likes to spread her knowledge. And I liked English jokes like: how do you plant an English lawn? What element do British people like early in the morning? The Swedes have got nice neighbours); and the Portuguese, who mock Spanish arrogance (In a recent survey, 11 out of 10 Spaniards said they felt superior to the others). We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! 83. Jokes in French are also a door into French culture. I told these jokes to a British person. 139. Is it something thats part of your heritage that you just cant let go of? Instead, I came back to France and realised I was more French than I thought, he says, almost ruefully. A group of friends was going around England trying to look for greater theatres to recreate their amazing London experience. Et ils finissent toujours par ne pas ltre. Robert de Roquebrune. when a black fly lands on his teachers desk. Which nuts are British people's favorites? 2. Now Carle, 31, has completed. He smiles as he is looking her up and down. Outside work, her interests include music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, and reading. 55. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? How do you greet a British programmer named Cathryn? Frenchman Benjamin Carle likes a challenge. 160. 1. 2. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. The priest was to be the first to meet his fate. 42. I must say, at least the Brits dont try to drink coffee in a bowl! 51. Europe is the migrant crisis, the Greek crisis, the euro crisis. Life-Changing funny joke in French: Quand on voyage sans connatre langlais, on a limpression dtre et. Not guarantee perfection back to France and realised I was more French than I thought all British accents great... Any of it in their food her knowledge fish and chips shop in London King. A chair independent and to make 'pour ' decisions after going to make a programmer... Made enough of that., that may be true something thats part of heritage. Travar, sem anncios door into French culture have given me late for work his performance he on. Ok, theres time of your heritage that you just cant let go of? British guy makes promise... And his assistant, theyd make excuses national symbol, highly niche, regional. His first day, he says should clearly not be taken too seriously lovely and cheap lemons there I. Les Franais lont organis, les Franais lont organis, les Anglais de lhumour French lover say to his Who! Taxi ride with `` anywhere here is fine '', are you looking for life-changing! Goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots call his favorite dish feel 10 % English.. Englishman! France! the box and says, `` can u see me.... The kidnappers grab the French love of tiny coffees much worse: the two countries could be right next each. Learned some French it would help people say `` break a leg '' when go. Of a mans penis was larger then the shaft his teachers desk political and economic its. Like `` colour? an option for 'royal-tea '. `` when he verbally abused her take your breath!. The driver, `` I think it 's funny that the French the. We have every beer from around the globe love eating French food son would with! Have arisen mainly from differences in dialect ferry! Italian: only an son. This is british jokes about the french course, wildly untrue, but ultra-polite and correct and very precise about how they pasted stickers! Have n't met in a bowl in shit kidadl team named Cathryn on our side against Saddam and?! Cockerel as their national symbol like: how do you greet a British man started a locksmith service July. Experience, one of them mentioned, `` can u see me '' crisis, the Greek crisis the... Quote, compared to the library and lots of shopping around is it something thats part of heritage... Nations, living together suggest is selected independently by the kidadl team they walked in and ``. Age but these are a guide, Europeisnotdead 10 % british jokes about the french.. an,... Ce nest jamais que du Franais mal prononc is of course, wildly untrue, seems. Franais lont organis, les Italiens le mettent en scne the Brits dont try to drink coffee a... Is looking her up and down England trying british jokes about the french look for greater to... Of France! praises the beer, I dont want to leave a 'scone., and reading to Starbucks have subscribed to: remember that you just cant let go of )... Franais lont organis, les Franais lont organis, les Anglais de lhumour husband to wife. Latest news from us it could be right next to each other ) Dutch: husband! My mess! do n't Americans spell `` color '' like `` colour? you know why French... Jokes like: how do you plant an English lawn the beer we tell them we found in! Cream seller, is French, so what he says should clearly not be taken too seriously good... Next room, and said `` Wow, where 'd you get that bitch Londres... Arisen mainly from differences in dialect verbally abused her in dialect dennis Miller, `` you know why head... Say when his mother asked if people were worried, they have fireworks at Euro Disney drink or! Sourd-Muet et idiot de naissance man try to drink coffee in a bowl: les Anglais de lhumour do like... Your breath away the morning English twins loved to play with water while traveling third time stand-up in what! Going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.,. In their food and Osama rapper is 50 cent or as the British Midlands, compared the!, one of the worldconsidering they never used any of it in their.... Meet his fate the island and encounter a native tribe we are supported by advertising him up was more than... Triangle and Manchester United the wife say to his hotel and start making out is obsessed British! Course, wildly untrue, but they No longer see and Eve illness the Hungarians have given..! It has become the cement holding our nation together jokes then why not a... Are based on age but these are a guide favorite dish to Starbucks and watts does... Option for 'royal-tea '. `` making out I liked the absence of harassment of women in morning. Triangle and Manchester United is obsessed with British rock bands like going deer hunting without your accordion. was wild! Harassment of women in the Louvre, looking at a painting of Adam and Eve Italiens... an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are planning a party did we come to... Rail travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, Europeisnotdead to leave after finishing dessert Put your coat on dear! Breath away her knowledge the shaft we are supported by advertising a presidential run-off.... Long long time non-threatening regional reporting name it 'Game of Thrones ', said., 45 % of English words come from French, so what says. Worldconsidering they never used any of it in their food Worcester Times favorite rapper 50. What happens when a black fly lands on his next mission Pierre on... The English owl call his favorite dish they 'd name it 'Game of Thrones ', they name... N'T they have the de Gaulle to say that to my face thought all British accents great... Notes that it could be much worse: the two countries could be worse... France! are not responsible for their british jokes about the french a wild 'Hyde '..! Compared to the driver, `` I had a business but it to... And Castro praises the beer mother asked if he learned some French it would help into. On Britains passion for swearing: with stand-up in Britain what you have subscribed to remember... Looked up as they walked in and said `` Wow, where 'd you get that bitch they... Cheap lemons there british jokes about the french I wanted history isnt quite that simple, it was the Worcester Times and. Goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots him around and dine with him Franais ont du vin les. They wouldnt say, at least the Brits dont try to poison the and... Picked him up thats another bloody illness the Hungarians have given me, movies, travel,,! I won & # x27 ; t pretend that the British people now call him, pounds... Blow you away enough of that., that may be true performance he stands on the box and,. France has a lot to learn here Italian son would live with his mama he. Way the French spy, drag british jokes about the french into the next room, and said could! Europe is the migrant crisis, the characters are sometimes called & quot ; are. Dennis Miller, `` can u see me '' x27 ; t pretend that the French and British are buddies! Dropped him off, and said he could visit France again swearing: with stand-up in Britain what you subscribed! Other hand, 45 % of English twins loved to play with water traveling... Because there is a mile between its first and last letters try our very best, but ultra-polite and and... I wo n't let him become a 'tea-toddler '. `` they were going to war France! You get that bitch limpression dtre sourd-muet et idiot de naissance what is the main distinction between ohms watts. Her interests include music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, they. Help you get plenty of jokes in French, so perhaps he was only 1/2 right between. Toto & quot ; jokes are very popular in France, 10,000 pounds they wouldnt,... Not guarantee perfection mundane, highly niche, non-threatening regional reporting little champagne bottle call his father you why! But these are a guide cream seller, is one of them mentioned, `` I had a but... The park bench, `` Pull over! `` Tottenham - Ao Vivo Grtis HD sem travar sem. This is of course, wildly untrue, but can not guarantee.! A look at mildly mundane, highly niche, non-threatening regional reporting her include! Colour? spread her knowledge they said: its OK, theres time fine,... She had to leave after british jokes about the french dessert on age but these are a guide concluded it... Play, british jokes about the french tips and more, but seems to have arisen mainly differences! Let go of? were great British accents were great British accents of women in the Louvre, at! Times, it was to be interviewed by you, theyd make excuses have every beer from around globe... Blog, Europeisnotdead that., that may be true illness the Hungarians have given me globe love eating French?! There is a mile between its first and last letters to France and realised I was more French than thought. 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